During times of despair, whoever thought that following an old fashioned cliche of literally writing a diary, or in this case a blog, would help one's soul. Or the same during times of emptiness and longing, that in your own little world you have such freedom to express yourself and let your ingenuity flow guiltlessly. It's a place or the moment where no one or nothing has any power nor influence over your thoughts. Where whenever you scribble the last full stop and finish, you are at peace.
I find it quite amusing how one can endlessly fuss about their personal thoughts, trying to find answers for whatever question they have troubling them. By pouring thoughts on a piece of paper (or typing them into the screen), letting imaginations lead the hands through inspirations that in the end all that only began with a simple yet provoking inquiry or idea, becomes pages of reflections. The best know how to structure their thoughts into essays and essays of reason. Some keep it simple and just scribble down whatever it is in their minds. Then, there are those who like to exaggerate. But in whatever ways anyone writes, everybody does it mainly at least for this one reason, to have a say.
Not everybody in this world has a say. Some are quite dominated by different external forces, whatever they may be, that they are left with nothing but sealed lips. But then again, there are those who write for company. When loneliness becomes so unbearable, that one can only be surprised of how humoring writing turns out to be. Because it fills the empty holes, or simply just finding a distraction. However, sometimes there are struggles that are too heavy for one to bear, especially for those who are solitaire.
I write best when I am alone. The setting: a dark room with just a dim and warm, yellow light. There is where I feel no barrier between my thoughts and the screen placed in front of me. My hands, coordinated by my thoughts, uncorrupted by whatever it is anybody else's perspective would be. I write best because I am alone, far away from everything I love and even further away from the familiarity and warmth i seek in an environment or society. The struggles I face, the mistakes I make and am about to make, are those which triggers emotions in me that colors whatever story it is that I'm telling and bringing them to life. I am placed at a crossroad, where doubtlessly I will let go of things I have been holding onto desperately. Where I will see new ways, to jump off cliffs and land safely on the ground. I have granted myself pathways towards the inner me, making whatever amber of flame within me the strongest sway and source to whatever it is I have to say.
KARINA LAKSHMININGRUM, March 5th 2008
